Monday, September 29, 2014

{ " Fear " }

"Do not fear, for I am with you; 
Do not anxiously look about you, For I am your God. 
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. 
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
~ Isaiah 41:10

I am writing about fear today, because to be quite honest, I'm feeling rather afraid.
I have been applying for part-time jobs during the past week, and none of them looked very promising, until now. I have applied for four jobs, and I have already received one email letting me know that I'm not needed for the position I wanted for one job. I wasn't too bummed about that, because it wasn't my first pick anyways. I was applying for another job online last night, but I noticed that they application needed my social security number, so I asked dad what I should do. We decided that I should just swing by the store, and ask for an application there. The manager happened to be there, and I talked to him. He was very impressed by the fact that I hesitated putting my social security number in on the online application. I took a paper application home with me, and filled it all in last night. So, I brought it by today, and the manager was actually outside when I got there. He recognized me immediately, and told me he had just been talking about me with the co-manager. I was very confident, until I met the co-manager. Let me tell you, men kind of make me nervous to begin with, and this guy was no exception. He made me feel like finding somewhere to hide. He was very short with me, and he didn't even offer a smile. I'm hoping the manager couldn't see how nervous I had immediately become when meeting the co-manager. I hate to say it, but he just wasn't a very pleasant person. I wasn't really sure what to do with myself in front of him, and I ended up stumbling over my words, and shaking his hand with my pen in my hand. It definitely wasn't a great first impression, on either end. I realized I wasn't even able to tell him what days are best for me to work, and what hours. I think I just answered "yes" to everything he asked me, because I felt paralyzed. He told me they would call me, and that was about it. It was like going from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds. Hopefully my nervousness wasn't too evident.

I was filled with excitement, and anticipation when applying for jobs, and now that it's finally looking promising, I was feeling terrified! Is that normal? I'm still excited, but there is fear lingering in the pit of my stomach. Growing up is fun, and scary at the same time. Putting myself out there for speculation, and judgement is very scary. I'm not used to being looked at from every aspect, and being considered for something so important.

I spent most of the afternoon worrying about this possible job, when one of my favorite verses came to mind. That verse is Isaiah 41:10. I had no reason to feel afraid, or anxious. I have a great God who will strengthen me, and uphold me no matter what might frighten, or intimidate me! I was reminded that I shouldn't let my nerves get the best of me, because the Lord tells me not to fear. It is so much easier to fear, than to trust though. When you think about it, it takes a lot more effort to actually trust than it does to just give up in fear. I'm going to try my hardest to trust, and not to fear. Maybe the Lord brought this person into my life to strengthen me, and to show me that He is in control when I'm afraid. Maybe I won't even get this job, and I'll move on searching for others, but at least I can go on to the next with more confidence, and trust!

So, even though it's easier to fear; don't. God is in control, and He will always uphold you.

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